emotional dysregulation: The basics
What is deschooling?
1
Have you ever been in the middle of a homeschool lesson and your child refuses to work? This can be quiet quitting - head in hands, silent tears flowing, etc. Or, it can be loud quitting - yelling, ripping up papers, or sobbing.
When this happens, you need to stop teaching because learning isn’t going to happen. Instead, you need to shift to teaching your child how to regulate his or her emotions.
That’s tough work when you may be dealing with your own emotions, too!
Ok, so what can I do?
2
Great question! The first step is to take a deep breath and regulate your own emotions. You cannot match their chaos with your own. When they are dealing with strong emotions, you have to reflect back to them calm and quiet confidence.
That’s easier said than done. But with practice, you can get better at it! I did! :) Here’s what I do:
Create quiet. Stop talking.
Create space. Let them calm down themselves.
What do I do once they are in a better mental space?
3
First, don’t feel like you have to go back to the lesson. You may be done for the day with school, or you may be ready to go back. There’s no right or wrong answer - just read your child.
Before you do, though, you need to debrief. This isn’t a punitive conversation. You aren’t trying to get them in trouble. You are curious about what set them off. Having this calm, information seeking conversation will help you learn and avoid this situation in the future. It also gives your child a voice - which is such a powerful tool.
Remember - we aren’t here to ensure they never get frustrated. Challenging school work is FRUSTRATING! Your goal is to help your child navigate those emotions in a healthy and productive way. Use that as the lesson - and give yourself permission to try again another day.
can you help me get better at this?
4
Yes! This is exactly what we provide in our monthly support plans.
Together, we will:
Determine what lead up to the behavior
Discuss what the behaviors looked like in that moment
Reflect on your reaction - and your child’s response
Find a plan to help you both moving forward
This gives you piece of mind that you’re doing enough.
Basic Support — $25/month
Simple, affordable guidance when you need it
Ask questions anytime via email
Get expert advice and direction
This is ideal if you want reassurance and quick answers.
Guided Support — $50/month
More structure and personalized help
Unlimited email support
One 30-minute video call each month
Talk through challenges and get clear next steps
This is ideal if you want to talk through more complex challenges or want us to talk to your student one-on-one!
Full Support — $100/month
Hands-on help + done-for-you planning
Unlimited email support
One 30-minute video call each month
Custom-created tools for your child, including:
Schedules
Pacing guides
Rubrics
Behavior or motivation plans
This is ideal if you want us to write some curriculum, too!
The Key: connection before correction
When your child is unable to regulate their emotions, it’s time for you to help them.
Stop talking.
Give space.
Then, when all parties are calm, figure out the triggers together.
Share how you regulate your emotions and give ideas for your child to try next time.
Do not skip this conversation!
Your child just showed you that he or she cannot regulate their emotions in a healthy way. This is the most important lesson of the day. The math or reading or history lesson can wait for another day.
Seize this moment to:
help your child see that emotions are okay.
allow your child to use his or her voice to share what overwhelmed them.
teach strategies for the next time their emotions try to get the best of them.
Create a space where they feel safe enough to try again tomorrow.
Learning isn’t just tests and worksheets.
These are the teachable moments you need to jump at and hold dear.
When you pause to reflect and reconnect, you teach that:
their emotions matter
you will give them space to try to figure it out on their own
you will also be there to pick them up whenever they fall
We all lose our minds from time to time. When you child does, don’t lose out on the opportunity to connect.
work with us iF:
You want some help creating strategies you can use
Your need someone else to talk to your child about this
You want need a more concrete plan
You don’t need to cover every lesson every day.
You do need to teach your child how to overcome frustrations in a healthy way.
Start with the level that feels right for you.
→ Join monthly support and get the guidance your child needs to move forward with confidence.
